The boy that does not know,
Maybe it was the drink they gave me that I though was non alcoholic when I was pregnant. Maybe it was the Diabetes I live with? The seizure he had when he was 18 months old and his temp spiked above 104 degrees.
In the end it really does not matter because he is who he is and we love him all the same.
A late talker he would find two words that would sum it all up, BIG TRUCK. No matter what he wanted “big truck” would be spoken in many different influxes, cadences and tones to get his point across.
As he grew it was still always about the big truck and repetition.
It was not until he reached Kindergarten that it was pointed out to me there was an unknowing about him that the others did not have.
I guess I saw it before yet it took the verbal words to put it all into place in my mind.
These nuances were like breath to me, so familiar it was hard to see it as anything but normal as far as normal goes around here. I am not conventional and nor is my mothering style. I was not a maternal mummy so to speak and learned and came into motherhood on the fly.
It was a blessing for him to pick this family as I knew no better and he was not treated any differently.
I noticed there was a lack of facial recognition, simply unaware of a facial position other than happy or mad. Then we noticed him missing social cues, the small mannerisms of a conversation when one party watches the other to know when to start or stop a conversation. This was absent.
Instead it is non stop reams of information and questions that would only stop from being told to do so.
As he is getting older and I am now his educational facilitator I see the ability to brain storm, to make poetry or to imagine is a near impossible task where as building lego creations and the speed of his puzzle building abilities to be amazing.
He still loves big trucks and has a smile on him that melts hearts. His is a happy boy that is conscious of his politeness and always is. Always wants to do a job or lend a hand and simply needs the security of knowing what is expected of him.
You would never know unless you talked to him he was any different and even then you would probably feel his passion and enthusiasm for his interests.
I find myself wondering what his perspective is like. I wonder if he feels like he is missing out on anything. I saw a movie about a man living with Asbergers and he said several times that he did not understand or get jokes and this touched me as I know this well.
I wonder when a joke is told and everyone laughs because they get it and he is laughing a louder forced laugh trying to come up with statements that might apply to the punch line if he is confused.
I live in the here and now and don’t tread too far into the future to often and yet I will at times wonder what life will be like for him as he grows older.
It’s day by day, loving, living, learning, explaining….