In my mid twenties my aunt was moving back to New Zealand, she asked me if I would want the Christmas cactus that was sitting in her kitchen window. She knew it would be put into quarantine and because of scaling back what she was taking with her I agreed.
I can go back in my minds eye and see this cactus always in my Aunt’s window yet I cannot remember where she sat when she was with my Grandmother.
My aunt acquired the cactus after my Grandmother passed.
I have grown a lot since that time in my spiritual beliefs and my thoughts on life. At one time I thought death meant the end and now in my abstract and unconventional way death to me is anything but that. I see the human form simply that a form and we are made of abundant energy, once our form passes on our energy remains enabling us to be.
Now having Grandma’s cactus as my own and starting my own family I felt this plant was a conduit of sorts. I always knew Grandma was with us; like the oxygen that this cactus produces is like her loving breath. Like a pulse or a heart beat I can feel her.
This cactus has grown and grown over the years she has been with me. She has been re-potted and at one point most of her branches broken off during a move and yet she remains a strong connection to her energy.
This cactus is alive and well with us, as they are front and center – they see it all.
Today I trimmed her branches, I decided today was the day to help release her of some of her weight and so I slowly went to work with my shears.
I knew my Grandmother was stood with me, not talking yet empowering me, she knew I would take my time. I removed and pruned a lot of weight from her cactus, symbolically I guess I was letting go and not in a conscious sort of way.
At first I worried I was some how imposing my desire on the cactus to shed her of her limbs and then I became aware as I trimmed her branches they became lighter and lifted towards the sky.
This afternoon was filled with a familiar feeling of time that I had spent alone with her.
It has been a week since I trimmed the cactus and it almost appears to be glowing. She is looking the healthiest I have seen her in some time, green, alive and fresh. The biggest affirmation was the flower bud I just discovered.