‘Change is good Donkey’, is all I can hear in my mind as I reflect on my past year. I have had earth shattering changes in my life, stripped to my core, shaken, raw and naked.
Yet I am still standing and I am rooted stronger in myself than I have been in years. I certainly did not have this resolve a year ago, I was pretty sure at that time I was not going to survive. I had to step back from everything in order to cope. Yet as I am learning everyday is a new day and everyday I get stronger and more connected to truth and clarity which far surpasses any preconceived notions I could have possibly conjured.
Life happens, love happens and then there is change.
Pain has always been a friend of mine in the shadows, the past few years behind the limelight have been filled with uncertainty on levels a lot of people will never comprehend. This year has been about stepping deep into the pool of pain as it washes over me. I have allowed myself to feel it all, to allow the tears, confusion, disappointment, frustration, anger, pity, shame, fear, and the unknowing to wash through and then away from me.
The reward to embracing what I tried for so long to push away was the ability to harness and then embrace my personal power, through small victories, rehabilitation of sorts as I had to relearn a new way and rely solely on myself and my gut that I could do this and not only for myself yet with my three children watching me.
I am accountable for every breath and word that has crossed my lips, I live my truth, find my words even when they shake, I grow and evolve. I have a cheeky smile when I reflect upon the woman I have become, I understand that in order to swim in the depths of love and passion I seek in this world I need to be as transparent, vulnerable and raw as I can.
I refuse to live any way other than in my truth and in learning this has been a gift far greater than I could have ever understood until I learned it. I have stepped up into myself and refuse to settle. I am the ‘Boss Mare’ in my quiet strength I am the leader of my herd and you can trust my judgement.
Much love, respect and gratitude